1. First off, I've been watching Make It or Break It on Hulu and Lauren (the blonde) is a PSYCHOPATH. That's all I have to say on THAT matter. Crazy crazy. Oh. And I have a mom-crush on Emily's mom. What an awesome lady!
2. This semester is really stressful. Especially after falling down the stairs last weekend. I don't want to complain, but it just sucks to have my ankle hurt. And I wanted to go to the doctors but I couldn't find my insurance card, which is lying around in my room somewhere, so I wasn't able to go. I'm getting ready for week 9...GAH. 2 more weeks! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. Where is my head?! Come on come on...just four more classes for EACH CLASSS AND THEN I AM FREEEEEE...until next term. UGH. I'm signing up for 9am classes so I hope that works out, because once I sign up for them, I am STUCK with them. Hopefully the earlier classes with help me manage my time better so I can sleep earlier!
3. CAPPIE IS SO CUTE I WISH HE WAS A REAL PERSON SO I COULD DATE HIM AND THEN MARRY HIM !!!!!!!!! IS THERE A BOY OUT THERE LIKE HIM FOR ME?!?!? IS THERE?!!?!? IS THERE!??!?!?!?!?!? IIIIIIISSSSSSS TTTHHHHEEERRREEEEE????!?!!!??!?!??! WHHHEEERRREEE AREEEE YOOOUU MMYYY CAAAPPPPIIIIIEEEEEE??????!?!!!
5. I am feeling hungry for some RAMEN but there is a person sleeping in our kitchen/living room and I don't want to accidentally wake her/bother her. What an unpleasant wake up that would be....waking up to me slurping the ramenz.
6. Church kind of sucks. Ouch, that's harsh! But it's true. But notice I said kind of, too. Anywho. The other day I was kind of rebuked for missing FNL and church and I guess I've done a lot of that this year, although I've been really trying not to this term. And the rebuke kind of stung and made me feel really guilty. I remember last year, I used to be so into all this "church stuff". I remember wanting to fit in so bad, making it to events and wanting to be funny and outgoing like everyone else seemed to be. But I guess this year I just got fed up with a lot of stuff and decided to remove myself from it all. Maybe part of me thought that people would chase after me, but I guess that's just wishful thinking because you kind of have to be worth something for people to chase after you. But it's okay. I think I'm starting to open up more now, and I definitely want to live for God, not for the church and the people in it.
7. Just watched a kissing scene from Make It or Break It and it was AWKWARD. HEHEHE silly weirdo kissers. Also...this is kind of a cheesy show now that I think about it.
8. I like a guy and I just realized that a LOT of people know...and that kind of scares me because as trustworthy as people are, now it's like not a secret anymore. And the other day, someone questioned me as to why I liked him and I couldn't really answer. It's kind of ridiculous, you know. How come you like someone and not know why? No offense to him, but it's not really an attraction issue. Even his personality isn't choice to some people either, but maybe that's what I find likable about him, because ....actually....I still don't know :( EW maybe I don't really like him then. UGH. Lame lame lame!
9. I've been trying to dive into some...dundundun...SELF DISCOVERY !!!! Who am I? WELL I DON'T KNOW. I feel like for a long time, I've just tried to be what others wanted me to be. Before college, it was to be a good student for my parents, or "different" in high school for my peers, or lively for the people at church, and this and that...poop! During the retreat, when the pastors were praying for people, and Pastor Matt just came up and started spouting all this STUFF without opening his eyes and I had no idea where any of it was coming from! But a lot of it was true life in MY life and I was so amazed and then I got really freaked out and scared because I was like "OH NO NOW HE KNOWS ALL MY SIN" but I think it was a great thing because it made me realize all the crappy stuff in my life. I feel like I just need to have an emotional purge and just let out all the grossness out of my life so I can concentrate on who I AM and who I want to BE. Because at this point, I know what I want, but I can't achieve it because of all the baggage I'm carrying around, I guess. THIS IS VAGUE AND DEPRESSING moving on!
10. YAY an hour has passed! I'm also wondering how they act out the mess ups and "falls" in Make It or Break It...doesn't seem safe to me. Also, are the actors really doing the moves or are they all stunt doubles? I tried googling it, but to no prevail.
11. This is my favorite number...
12. I'M SO EXCITED FOR DREXEL MINISTRY. I really am!
13. Dude, it's like super windy outside. I can even hear it...it sounds so violent! Someone told me that the wind is supposed to go up to 50mph....CRAZY CRAZY.
14. Did you realize that there was no number 4?!?!?!??! Although I bet no one is reading this....or anyone who started hasn't gotten this far! HOPEFULLY NO ONE READ ABOUT THE BOY BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
15. pooooop. Oh...praise night. A lot of people are coming! I hope the people I invited come, too. AND STEVE BRINGS HIS GIRLFRIEND hehe i'm such a creep! I wasn't very involved in the skit and I don't even have much to do, I feel like. I think I'm scared of getting involved, actually. I think that's another whole part of my getting back into the swing of church thing...I've detached myself and I just don't want to be trapped in the bubble which will just hurt me in the end. Eric once said something interesting to me, how I kind of give my heart away easily and at the same time, I don't. He's right, you know. Kind of, at least. I feel like I want to give my heart away, and yet when the time comes, I don't. Like I'm such a tease or something. That's how it's kind of like with dates, you know. Like a guy will be like "wanna hang out?" and if they aren't SUPER creepy I'll be like "OKAY" but then we go out and I'm just like "eh...i wanna go home now." I'm such a jerk! But then again maybe it's all because I already like someone so I'm just playing with peoples feelings and actually I'm a mean person I don't deserve anybody.
16. [insert deepest darkest secret here]
17. JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!!! BTW, this is my second favorite number...or maybe it has same value as 11.
18. I hated this age. I hate a lot of things. I'm getting fatter, by the way. It totally sucks and I need to stop eating food but I love food too much and family group/church doesn't help coz everyone always goes out to freaking eat! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?!?!
19. And this is my third equally favorite number, with 11 and 17...
20. I was going to end on 19 but then I added 20 because there was something else I wanted to say BUT NOW I FORGOT poop GOODBYE.
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